paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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