I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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