I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
