R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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