no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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