Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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