I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i believe in u and ur pee
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
