we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
