So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
