How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
