Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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