i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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