new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
