I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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