Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
