The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
