wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
