He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
