i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize