I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
