I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
