Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
