my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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