Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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