I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
