4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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