What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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