if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
