Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize