Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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