I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
