I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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