I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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