it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
