I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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