So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
