Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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