I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
