Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had to cum in my sink.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
