Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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