highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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