Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
