so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
