i may or may not be watching the land before time
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
