Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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