Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize