Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
