please come you make the beer taste better
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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