Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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