I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
