she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
