I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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