Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
