yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
