Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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