so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
