everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
