I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
