I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
