dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
