I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize