remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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