My hand turned me down
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
