i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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