last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
tell me about the fingering
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
